I care about my boyfriend a lot. This is the first healthy relationship Ive been in and he has been nothing but respectful towards me. However, we have some differences that are affecting our relationship. For example, Im very honest and open about myself whereas, he is more reserved. Hes also not as verbally affectionate as I am. These two things in conjunction with him living an hr away have taken a toll on our relationship. I have talked to him about it and he says he is doing the best he can and thag he shows affection in different ways than I do and communicates as much as he is comfortable with. We have been together five months now…idk what to do.
Communication incompatibility is a huge source of conflict in relationships. It sounds like you both have different styles of expression and communication and it doesn’t mesh well because you aren’t getting what you need out of the relationship.
He’s not gonna change the way he communicates, or rather, doesn’t communicate. I’ve dated affection deficient and emotionally stunted men and I always found it more productive to move on rather than try to get them to change.
Just because this is the first healthy relationship you’ve been in, doesn’t mean it’s going to be your last.
How do you raise your standards with a guy you’ve already presented low standards to? For example.. the guy I’m talking to doesn’t take me out. When we hang out I just go over his place and we watch tv or movies.. only because one day he told me he would take me out and that he was sorry he hadn’t, in response i told him it doesn’t matter what we do, as long as i’m with him… to make him feel better. Now i feel as though he’s comfortable and he feels like he doesn’t have to take me anywhere at all. I’m tired of just watching movies.. How do i bring this up in conversation?
I don’t believe in having a meek conversation where you basically plead with him to treat you better, that’s not a power position. I believe in showing him through action. Start canceling on him to do better shit, going out with your girls, going out with new guys, etc. When he hits you up to Netflix and chill tell him you’re over Netflix and chill and he should feel free to hit you up when he has something proper planned.
we meet up for the first time over coffee and cigarettes. we get along, make each other laugh, and decide to hang out more. we hang, flirt a little, and outright admit our attraction. he says he wants to fuck but wants to get to know me better first – cool, i’m a hoe but i’m with it. we make plans to hang out again and…radio silence. it’s been 3+ weeks since he hit me up. why do men do this?
My main theories are: ex girlfriend came back into picture, met another chick he is more into, he was never really into you in the first place and didn’t have the fortitude to tell you in person, he died.
i come from a family where my mom relies entirely on my dad for income, so i vowed at a young age never to be reliant on a man. Because of this, whether im dating or in a relationship i always split the bill or take turns paying for things with a s/o. But lately after reading your tweets, im starting to think that maybe i do deserve more than half from someone im spending my young time/life on. Should I be getting spoiled or am I doing things in a fair way?
There’s a big difference between being reliant on a man because you can’t do for yourself, and expecting him to pick up the bills while being able to do for yourself. It seems in your Mom’s situation she was trapped because she only knew how to rely on your father for income and you grew up never wanting to be trapped that way. Letting your guy pick up the bills while you are financially self sufficient is not the same kind of reliance your mom had on your dad. You clearly know how to make an income independent of a man, so you will never be in your mom’s position. Now stop letting the fear of becoming your mother stop you from being treated nicely. Also shake off the gross mentality that just because a guy is doing for you, you owe him somehow. A guy picking up bills and paying for things does not mean you are beholden to him, you do not owe him. And always remember you are not relying on him, he is voluntarily doing for you.